i think the following explains my appetite for chocolate

This first paragraph is to rant incoherently about my recent feelings and experiences:-

I feel as though I’m always in a tight squeeze for free time. when uni semesters are in progress the workload takes up 100% of my life. Now i’ve finished my 2nd semester this year, the only exam was long over on Nov 12, but I haven’t had the time to catch my breath and watch any J-dorama or wash my bedroom slippers or anything. Time spent accompanying friends. Time spent researching endlessly on my slow laptop (1GB RAM). Time spent travelling, walking on my stunted legs and ugly shoes (I bought a new pair yesterday but they hurt my feet =( oh well).

This blog post transpired from my sudden irrational need to express my creativity in literature:-

Shall I use pompous , lengthy English or simple language… I used to secretly write short stories in secondary schools. Sweet love stories, fantasy stories, teenage girl stories. I wrote stories with my friends too; fictional versions of ourselves living fantastical otherwordly lives. But the writing stopped long ago. My imagination went into a coma. SPM came and then Architecture. All my literary juice vaporised. My English vocab has deteriorated as well and I’d to rely embarassingly on thefreedictionary.com. But I try to continue reading and learning. Although I read, there’s still billions of titles and authors I’ve not read and never heard of, I’m still very ignorant and childish, preferring not-so-deep books and plots with handsome characters. I miss the fun in literary fantasy, the rush of imagination travelling through the pages, the delightful witty language. I have no idea what to think next, so this paragraph ends here.

This next paragraph is again for ranting:-

In 4 days’ time I’ll be going to Brisbane and Gold Coast over 6 days and then returning home 3 days after that. I have to pack up all my things and move them elsewhere before I leave. When I come back in January for *cursed* summer course, I also have to thoroughly clean my house and have it inspected before I well and truly vacate it on 1 Feb. Then I’ll move into a fabulous new home with Lih Jiunn on 27 Feb. Please please please 南無大悲觀世音 let us live happily together in a good room.

by the way, anyone knows a good cure to moodiness other than KAT-TUN’s Will Be All Right and chocolate? I can’t seem to enjoy anything properly and give the impression that I’m bored all the time, which is 50% true but I’m too polite to say. Sometimes time spent with friends is more valuable than time packing up my billion trillion miscellanous things in my overstuffed house. idk. i’m even gonna watch a phenomenally frightening movie tonight, feel apprehensive about it.  dunno how i’ll cope goin home, sleeping alone, goin to brisbane later, goin so many places travelling quite alone, if my mind is gonna be corrupted with ghosts, demons… :p

talkingabout not having enough time…who ask me to want to do so many things anyway? i could’ve chosen not to go for all those things… but like i said… time spent with friends… idk, i’d like to think of myself as very loyal to friends and willing to do anything for the sake of their happiness, like my dad who rather accompany his friends for drinks and golf  although he doesn’t drink and doesn’t play golf. yet i catch myself being rather selfish at times. idk, i’m a person of many contradictions. perhaps it’s an inherent nature of being female. perhaps i’m wrong.

information from reading somewhere:-

Most people care about themselves alot more than other people do, so they don’t spend alot of time noticing other people, they only notice themselves. Believing that, it’s convenient for me not bothering to get pretty stuff, dress well, etc since no one’s gonna notice anyway.This same thinking is quite depressing, coz on the rare occasions I do dress up, no one notices all the same, or I imagine that no one does. Like I said, I’m a person of contradictions. Sometimes I think I’m pretty, sometimes I think I’m disgusting. The socially acceptable solution would be to strive for more confidence and smile more often, resulting in ‘feel pretty’ times outnumbering ‘feel ugly’ times. Yes, I am revealing a very nerdy side of me to analyse my thoughts like that. I’ve decided that honesty is fun, after watching ‘invention of lying’, a very lame movie.

I’d like to confess I feel hurt when people think I’m immature, coz I hadn’t had enough fun when I’m legitimately immature (ie young) and now when I’m supposed to be mature I fail at it. * / . \ * The word ‘mature’ links to my studies and career, therefore giving me alot of stress and unhappiness. I’ve had a rough semester and seems to always spend the first 90% of the process doing all the wrong things and even now I feel as though the first 90% of the time spent working on anything (even shopping) is a complete and utter waste of time. Something’s definitely wrong… no one can be that ineffecient right? But I’m killing myself overstaying every night trying my best to perform all my ridiculous tasks. idk how else. *reaches for more chocolate*

how does being lonely feel like, is it when you have some trouble but no one to share it with?

when you want to rant to someone but the phone connection (on many occasions) decides to fizzle and die?

when you want to rant to someone but the someone rants back to you with problems 10 times worse than yours?

when you want to rant to someone but you love the someone too much to burden the someone with your puny, unimportant troubles?

Sorry, I didn’t mean to create your sudden sympathy or self-pity upon reading all that. My words just came out. Like I said, I had a sudden  literary creative urge. Just like my creative urges to doodle all over the nearest available piece of paper. [ok another rant coming...] I really love drawing and yet have the biggest fear of showing my drawings to other people. coz I’ve always thought that they were beautiful and yet when I finally had the courage to show to someone they remarked in disgust ‘what’s that?’ … or when they recognize who I’m drawing and tell me my version is horrendously ugly. every time i covered an entire sheet with doodles, i tear it up into many pieces and throw them away, convinced that what i’ve drawn is poisonous to look at. sometimes i keep my drawings when i feel vain, but those that i keep are only 20% of what i’ve actually drawn. when i look back at those drawings i feel disgusted.

the purpose of writing a length post with many negative attributions is to expel my negative emotions in hope of feeling better afterwards. after all, this is my blog and i am entitled to write whatever i please. (contradictory thought: there i go again being selfish)

i hope i have the courage to click ‘publish’ after this. i’ve never once mentioned any of the things above to anyone. … well .. honesty might be fun :\

this is the (holiday)life! ^^

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This is at Tokki japanese restaurant on Grattan Streetand their famous meal… can’t remember what’s it called..

One fine day we decided to go to Box Hill to makan…

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That day Lih Jiunn went to have a photoshoot… that’s why she’s wearing the hat and looking different… hehe…

We went into a chinese dumpling shop and only called a few dishes, end up paying $2.70 per person… hehe…

Corny followed me back to the city

….

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We went to get mini cupcakes from Little Cupcakes at Degraves Street… and finally sat on the grass in front of State Library to enjoy our little picnic there ^^

Then…

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we borrowed Pei Yi’s muffin holders and baked our own muffins in my house!! <3

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so the first few days of my 2-week break was largely spent makan-ing :/

then we went camping at Grampians o__O where it rained and hailstormed and all the rocky mountain paths were slippery and cold.. pictures later

then we came back to the city with alot of leftover food… hard to BBQ in that weather.. had plenty of fun sharing cars, tents and stories with friends..

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yea there’s lots of work to be done for studio next week…. but i still watched

Boys Over Flowers

Howl’s Moving Castle

Tekkon Kinkreet…

….

<3 Lee Min Ho/Goo Jun Pyo! and Kim Bum/Yi Jung!^^ ~~~~~

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ok time to go back to work … … and start dieting T.T

woes of the weekend?

don’t worry this is not a 100% emo post. got emo, terdiri daripada sad & happy punya emo ^^ emo is ‘emotion’ mah…..

here goes~

wah lao eh i very smart loh.. go and choose a building in the Netherlands for my environmental systems assignment worth 40%… have to translate a whole lot of documents from dutch to english!!!!!!! duurzaam bouwen vormde dan ook een belangrijk uitgangspunt voor het gebouw ~.~ durable building formed thus an important main point for the bldg. ~.~”"”"”

on monday, two subjects are pressing me for evidence of (enourmous amount of) work progress, which are studio and elective subject …

i am addicted to 1 malaysia song…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nv7V4n6pOLE

GD’s Hello ft. Dara…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhyF1aEWRRQ&feature=related

TOP & TaeYang ‘Friend’

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Rkpyd72iqw

La Cha Ta…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1XxJmrMrLQ

and also Kyu Sakamoto’s Ashita Ga Aru Sa =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7M0sk451FQ
it sounds very very oldies but so cheerful!!! \^o^/

typed at 3.45am o_O since spending whole day in uni workin on the assignment today, i went home and spam youtube/forums/DBSKDBSKDBSKDBSKi’m mad!!!! i want to learn sorry sorry dance by super junior!!! hahahhahha

k i b quiet now / . \

day off

ever since the new semester started i’ve been having to do presentations twice a week, ie. for every single studio session. that’s like twice the workload i had last semester. i think it’s the karma i’m getting for slacking last sem.lol. so this sem suffer like hell.

but this week, my lecturer said we’ll just have a little chat… no presentation.. the digital thing could be too much… omg they finally realised they’ve been such hellish slavedrivers? =D that means we have 1 day off!!!

what did i do? pei yi and i went shopping!
first market then supermarket then shopping centre then asian grocery store. lol. bought food food food and more food. didn’t manage to get any clothes/bag/whatever it is people buy when they go shopping -.-

abit unlucky coz we wanted to visit the new Lindt shop in melbourne so badly but when we went there it’s closed for private function.

anyway these pics are taken recently, when i have breaks and had fun and actually remembered to take photos (sometimes i forgot to take photos and all that happened just become vague memories. photos are invaluable :/ )

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the photos of me were secretly taken in the fitting rooms at DFO .. i didn’t buy these jackets.. only trying out…

we celebrated Jon Lee’s birthday at the wooden tables at QV mall. jon+max+yat+wan+danny+wendy+lihjiunn+me. cake from bread top. something mocha, very nice ^^

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movies i watched:

district 9 – super super geng and realistic! prawn 0__o

the ugly truth – can’t stop smiling/laughing throughout the movie! also learned many new things from it..hahhaa… sorry lah my social skills and appearance so char… (quote: there’s nothing wrong with it [her clothes], except that no one wants to f**k it) … wheeee ~~ can’t wait to watch more movies!!!

=) ok time to gambateh for studio later, in 14 hour’s time. haven’t even sleep yet :/

before i click ‘publish’ and close this…

my chinese doctor: ‘when your parents are not around, religion becomes your parents’

‘any sickness can be cured, except “jue wang” – loss of hope

find something u have faith in and think positive ^^ bad things will eventually end

in dire need of some massage

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been walking and walking nonstop, for studio as well as another elective, just to look around at boring old buildings and snapping countless photos of them, then spending hours in front of the computer working like a robot, remind me again why am i here?

i do feel proud of my achievements when i do achieve anything. lol.

i finally found out how to make GIFs in photoshop!!!! excuse my jakun-ness but yea i’m happy

really miss the peaceful days at DCA in malaysia

thanks to nigel who always talk so enthusiastically about architecture, i am more excited about entering the new semester….

only to find that i’m in a very very geng studio!!! alot of highly competent people (whom i know get very high marks in anything) and the tutors are out to get us~lol~but the ladies (tutors) are nice, one of them is especially kind and **paiseh but still wanna say** has an amazing figure, fashion sense and posture T.T so perfect de~

anyhow must persevere loh… but this time very lucky to have pei yi also in this studio… can’t imagine surviving alone T.T

btw the above image is product of 4,5 days constant work on our huge site analysis. pei yi’s beautiful diagrams also deem worthy posting up but i shall seek her permission 1st

when i am stressed i put my pen on paper and start drawing…last time i always draw people’s eyes and whatever i feel is beautiful, but nowadays i only draw a mashimaro on a bed!…. how i miss sleeping!!! lol

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especially since when even in sleep i dream about walking about and listening to weird people talking weird things all the time. NO I AM NOT GOING CRAZY…YET hahah

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the reason why, i post this up, is because i feel i should vent out my frustrations in order to remain sane and allow my brain to function normally to continue working. you you you you get what im sayin.


hahhaha i hope *certain people understand the *inside joke =.=

minasan, gambarimasho~

wahoooo!!!!!

my *health* returned to normal yayyyyyyyyy

could it be
- results are out and i survived!

- finally went for a walk at the lake near my house, spotted a pink-brown crane, brought my brother there to film it

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it’s not that i suddenly turned into nature fanatic.. but being able to take a relaxing morning walk after like 6 months of constant anxiety and stress is a great thing :D

- got someone’s birthday cake to eat

- watched amazing hiphop, popping,locking,broadway,jazz,breakdance and even cheerleading dances at the Urban Groove charity concert where my cousin Melissa also performed

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they’ve raised RM15000 for the National Kidney Foundation of Malaysia!

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my cousin Melissa performed 3 different dances but i only took videos of them.. no pics..

i really enjoyed the concert ^^

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee \^o^/

tribute to the king of pop

michael jackson was my first musical idol, i used to watch my parents’ cds and videos of his mvs, concert and listen to his songs when i was small. well, smaller than i am now.
michael jackson’s songs are pretty meaningful and his voice is quite pretty and sharp, so these are the reasons why i like his songs.
he’s also very very driven in performing, if u’ve seen his concerts. he always gives 100%, 200%, very talented and all.. invented so many dance moves…

rest in peace michael jackson.. +_+

transition of mashimaro smileyjade from melbourne to malaysia

I managed to check-in on time and they let me through with a 12-kg hand luggage ( I had no time to weigh it, much less re-pack!!!) because it has a laptop inside and sat on air asia – damn lucky got 2 empty seats beside me and slept most of the time on the plane ^^ but i feel bad coz there’re two elderly couples on the other side of the aisle and I should’ve offered to swap seats if they’re uncomfortable, one of them even helped me push my 12kg bag up to the overhead compartment :S and i didn’t help the old lady carry her bag or walk down the stairs at the LCCT (the escalators in the building weren’t working) but she might’ve refused my help anyway coz i had so many things to carry myself *_*

on the note of swine flu, the airplane had a few sick passengers and one of them had fever and didn’t get down from the plane, they took him away for medical care. i knew this from some aunty’s conversation in the toilet. didn’t see any sick people myself.

i woke up this morning with a slight fever. but there’re no other symptoms and i suspect it’s just the overwhelming lack of sleep and heaty food for me *_* when i reached LCCT my parents and brother welcomed me and took me for dim sum breakfast (the same shop next to DCA near Atria , but at their Damansara Utama branch coz got air-con =.=) and then home and my mom took me out to KL to shop for bags, dresses, shoes and work clothes (the shop’s sale season ending soon,  so must go) with her best friend and ate at Secret Recipe twice coz the second time my dad came to have lunch around 4.30 o_O

can’t wait to rest slowly at home *_* and slowly ask my friends and cousin out … later …

the last outing with my Melbourne gang was really … fine .. first time having dinner at Bas-bas-bas-somthing Ristorante on lygon .. the food is incredibly fresh and delicious and rich and awesome! and alot of people turned up.. i wish i had more time to spend with them T.T well photos will be uploaded on facebook later ^^

must read – very interesting!

when i was heading for the airport on my way from Melbourne back to KL, i had to take a cab because i thought the last bus from Southern Cross was 9.30pm and I was already late :(
My flight is at 12.45am so I must must must reach at least at 10.45pm… When I left home finally packed and ready it was definitely after 9.30pm o.0 and taking two trams and a bus may take very long o.0
I told the taxi driver I had only $50 and he said ok no problem so I went in. hopefully can reach on time!!!!! T.T

The taxi driver is very friendly. His name is Chris. He asked me if I am a student… what course am I studying…. He’s a civil engineer.. he has his own company and would be able to hire me to work… asked me if I know structure… He sometimes draw plans for houses… Asked me if any of my friends finding work, his brother has a farm.. can pick fruits and stuff, $12 per hour…He said work on the farm is for a 6-month period, not only for a few weeks…Asked me to find 50~60 people he can give me commission…

He kept saying he likes Malaysian girls . Then he asked if I drink and do I have a boyfriend… Asked me to call him if I do look for a boyfriend…
and kept asking me for my number. He said he’s 24 years old. Or just be friends and then can go on later.

o.0 I’m so exhausted and worried about my flight (plus a thousand other things like my studio submission and presentation and how bad i feel causing trouble to so many people and how much money it cost to book another flight) and this guy’s forcing so many akward questions on me. I didn’t take his number or give him mine. But he’s still nice enough to charge me only $47.50 instead of $51 something ~.~ BYE BYE hope I never see you again o_O

Scary la…

just a small diversion

when i stress i go to http://stressbuster1.com/
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my vivid dreams return to haunt me every night T.T
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can’t wait for love & happiness to return to my life. where did they go? o.0

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