because i miss him terribly… and because my body is aching so much, stupid period (sorry to bring in bodily references) .. and because i was worried for my test and stressing about not having enough sleep for the test…

i miss him terribly, because i have grown too attached to him… i don’t know, why have i fallen for him although he made it clear he’s not interested…

now i’m just wearily wondering how to stop my stupid, naive tears from falling…

these numbers, 20, 21, 22, 23 don’t really mean anything… i still feel like a 6 year old, a 16 year old, a child, a teenager, a timid little mouse, a free bird, a crouching praying mantis (?? getting carried away)…

well, this year plenty of things happened.

i got a job, a car, and now, probably getting a house. Well, not technically a house but a unit, but yea a property that belongs to me. My parents funded me all the way, from my education to my stay in Aus to my car and now deposit for a house, which is actually their idea to begin with – if i’m by myself i won’t think of getting into real estate at all – and now i’m looking at investing in properties, how to build a portfolio, what are the processes involved..

Bahhh i’m just at step 0.01 out of the thousands of things to research on and learn about … i have no clue about this business.. wonder what am i going to do next… thankfully my employer and his staff are wonderfully helpful… helped me organize a lot of things… introduced me to their accountant and a whole lot of contacts.. they’re great people, always encouraging to develop yourself.. and i mean take a piece of land to develop it to make money… they have staff like this guy only 21 years old and already bought a few properties and designing and developing one of his own… amazing… and they don’t expect a lot from me, having just left school and not knowing construction and details… let me take my time and learn step by step… arranged my table to be next to one of the most knowledgeable guys to whom  i can always ask questions…

by the way this guy next to me is the most lengzai in person i’ve ever met. his eyes are starkingly dark in contrast with his fair skin and his eyelashes are super long. i don’t like him tho, he’s too perfect already, unreachable. kind of like kim jae joong, the way i’m not attracted to JJ, the reason is because he’s too perfect to be acceptable :/

no pictures… havent taken any pictures with office staff before… sori… hahah…

anyway…

here’s a painting i did for my dad’s birthday this year. i always wanted to give people nice paintings like this, i just don’t have enough time.. i try to make cards, comics, at least photoshopped pictures with messages, to people when the timing is right (when i am free enough to do all those things lah walao, u think i open Hallmark shop meh) Lih Jiunn wanted to see this painting and i havent found the chance to show her. a bit pai seh to post on facebook (like shouting out loud ‘hey mari mari tengok!!’ +.+ ) …

it’s .. the bridge section of Church St crossing the Yarra River. This view can only be captured when taking the train crossing the bridge next to Church St, and can’t be viewed from walking or driving along the two banks of the river. (thus the 4 of us pictured there are standing on an imaginary position) gahh why must i always make things so boring -_- anyway hope that this coming year i will be better than before, achieve more and help others more

currently having a bad cough and a very tired and weak body from all that coughing, so have to retire early tonight ~

i had a very elaborate dream last night that included almost everyone i know, from my cousins to my primary and secondary school friends to even Luffy (one piece) and Hermione (harry potter) siao @.@ ..  anyway.. i hope all those friends out there studying/working hard, are doing fine.. take care you all ^^

Spectacular morning mist? …I thought so too, until I walked around while talking to my mom on the phone for about 10 minutes and she told me it’s volcanic ash from Chile that got blown to Australia. Hwaachk~started coughing~

***

The life of mashimaro now is fully dedicated to work, eat, rest, and hang out with mashimaro’s friends. Recently got a dog at home

So white and fluffy and cute!!! ^_^

Her name is Muffin, she belongs to my housemate’s close friend Amanda, and we’re just dog-sitting her for 2 weeks. My housemate Cherie looks after her. I just observe. I am afraid of dogs, now slowly learning how to coexist with this one in close proximity.

She is very cute wor…

Her sleeping in her puffy little bed…

When she doesn’t get what she wants and feels damn sien

***

Heehee!! Muffin ~ <3 so cute…

***

I am looking for a new housemate… Cherie is moving out in August.. don’t know if can get anyone tho… Well~ hopefully everything turns out ok ^^

***

This year so far has been quite tumultuous for my friends… maybe the challenges will make them stronger… after all, they are some of the toughest people I know… ^^

***

Sometimes I think of a brilliant idea and want to express it all here… but I forget… So many instances came and went, and till today I have put nothing down… just that… it’s been so long since I’ve written a proper thing.. an essay or journal or whatever.. these days we are reduced to just a one-liner or two in twitter or fb.. and just share and like whatever for lightning-speed convenience… Once offline, the things we do are no longer recorded, formatted, uploaded… Many moments just pass by in my head… I have forgotten so many… now that I am finally sitting here, ready for bed early for the first time in months, it’s just frustrating that I don’t know what to type anymore.. haha… complain xuang…

***

I love how we Malaysians mix our languages freely in our speech… it’s just liberating to talk in a less formal way.. like this oni fun mah…

Of course the recent happening in Malaysia and for Malaysians around the world – Bersih 2.0 – is deeply impacting … err… facebook feeds… and stirring up a sense of patriotism in young voters… Haih.. don’t wanna sound boring .. plus the fact that so many others have already put their two cents’ worth in on the topic.. but I just want to say I do love my own country too.. I don’t want to leave Malaysian soil forever, won’t abandon my family and country

***

… just that I’m currently working out what to do, while slowly gaining experience… I think my family’s plan for me is to come out and start earning money.. start working hard… My friends are planning to travel around… experience the world… What is my own dream?

I see how viciously Luffy and his crew fight, battle after battle just to chase their precious dreams, save their precious nakama, gloriously portraying the belief in good triumphing evil and living life to the fullest… That’s just one anime from Japan and every day we try to share inspiring stories, music, shows, quotes, to feel better about life, about ourselves, to encourage others…

But what good can I do? … What am I born into this world for? … Why has my childhood been so perfect? … I must’ve done something good in my past life.. So just wondering now how can I repay my family, my friends for all their kindness and support… And what more can I do…

I am trained to be an architect. I do dream to build nice houses for people, nice schools, museums, offices, .. I do find excitement in design… oh but the industry is such a evil bastard… we just harvest the resources from the environment, pollute while building, pollute after building, everything costs millions, demolition also destroys the environment… efforts on building sustainability is nowhere near enough…

and i even feel bad for helping out in producing really BAD feng shui designs… i can’t prove it, but i believe in those taboo… i’ve not only read the books but also heard true stories of family lives turning bad after moving in or renovating… haha… ki siao right.. maybe it’s all just psychology…

***

sometimes i lose the ability to enjoy myself. i turn into a lousy sourpuss and refuse to do silly things…

sometimes i rather not talk to anyone at all… it’s been weeks and weeks since i last ate lunch with anyone.. i purposely wait until 2pm when everyone’s eaten, then i walk down to the office kitchen… it’s just… lazyness… to think of topics and start a conversation, it’s not as easy as ABC for me…it’s more like PQRS WXYZ…

sometimes i remember how coldly i’ve treated my own grandfather in the months before he died from cancer.. and i feel like strangling myself for not being human… o____0 past mistakes cannot be undone!!!

***

there was a night when i laid for 3 hours wide awake being unable to sleep…

***

ah, but my worries might just be as small as a hair on someone else’s body. my stories are always never extreme, never dramatic, never exciting… I once told my deepest, darkest secret to a close friend, and all his reaction was, cheh, he thought I had something juicy to share about someone else. I felt slightly insulted, after all, even my most ‘extreme’ piece of news is boring to him. hahaha.. well.. some might envy my peaceful life… hehehe… anyway I’m glad… ^_^

***

another friend asked me recently if I’ve ever thought of my guy friends as … errr… men. hahaha…. that’s weird at first… well yeah.. long ago… just that they’re unavailable.. hahhaa… it doesn’t matter anyway… im in no hurry… i don’t believe in forcing things to happen myself.. it’ll only end up in disaster… haha…

***

omg! luxury sleeping time has been reduced another half an hour due to this stupid blog post!! my friends will surely scold .. haha… walao, got time to sleep don’t want to sleep, post donno what long and very sien blog post here… hahaha…

take care my friends… ^_^ gambateh!!!

white porridge + vege + meat, with Gardenia bread

2. during Melbourne overseas study years – 2008:

white porridge + vege + meat, with Pura Milk

3. during Melbourne overseas study years – 2008:

Korean Shim Ramyun + vege + meat, with sweet potatoes

4.  last night – 2011:

egg + tanghoon + brussels sprouts + abalone mushrooms + ham + celery + spring onions

this one actually tastes good!

I guess my approach to cooking is.. just throw in whatever I want to eat… I’m too lazy to hunt for recipes and follow them.. I don’t end up with poisonous food anyway, and I eat up every last scrap no matter how bad they taste.. haha.. but most of the time I just do very boring stuff like rice + vege + meat.. yes I think that is boring… what to do…

…

I’m so in love with LUFFY

i didn’t know this manga existed since 1997 and the anime since 1998! I’m so behind, there are 621 manga chapters and 492 anime episodes… I haven’t even reached episode 50 of the anime (given up on the manga)… Monkey D. Luffy was supposedly modelled after Goku in Dragonball… haha… strong, but funny, stupid, crazy ~ lol ~~

anyway ~ these days gotta look for new place to live in July (or decide whether to continue renting my current place or not) and a car =_+ … my friends are fighting hard at their studies or looking for job… some have already found work, congrats to them…

I hope my family are doing fine too… ^^ take care you all ~

“…. for my course the safer route is to go overseas and get a qualification from a better uni than those in m’sia…

i can tell u that living in Aussie has really opened my eyes and benefited in my thinking approach… the more you travel the more you learn, the more diverse your environment is, the more information you absorb… in this case i was exposed to many aspects of the australian metropolitan culture that in many ways surpass that of KL’s .. environmentally the cities here are much cleaner and safer… culturally the vast amount of nationalities coexisting peacefully here simply overrules the harmony of the 3 main races in msia that we are supposedly have… depending on your study life, social calendar and personal attributes, your experience living here could be very rich…

and then you start to see the many possibilities out there.. you start to understand how most urbanized areas in the world work.. you could choose to travel, try other cities.. enjoy different activities you never tried b4 in m’sia… become independent of not only physical attachment to your m’sian home but also your m’sian culture and thinking.. coz this decision to stay home or to go abroad is a life-changing one..

im familiar with melbourne, sydney, brisbane, tasmania and adelaide. i don’t know about perth unfortunately .. you might find it a lot more ‘ulu’ and boring if you enjoy the very lively PJ/KL back home.. the culture here is different – more sports, drinking, less kopitiam and shopping ..

you probably already know all this .. well if i were you i’d choose to go overseas anyway.. you have to try some things in life that present you both a risk and an opportunity..

for me i’d love to go where my friends go because i’m too attached to them.. i’d listen to my parents and they’ve been supporting me in order to enter melb uni from the very beginning.. so i did… and now i’m applying for PR and staying here a few years to gain experience here … i think i will eventually return to m’sia but am not sure yet.. my brother has also listened to my dad and is now in tasmania pursuing a naval architecture course in which he doesn’t have a strong interest… i think we are more cincai … and have a lesser ability to think and plan ahead.. haha.. and also like 一切随缘 …”

other than that, i am in too blurry a state of mind to process further thinking and will admit defeat to Sleep.

Then, the train I was on broke down halfway. I knew that waiting for the provisional shuttle bus will take a long time, so I booked a cab and spent $46 on the fare. This isn’t the first time I’ve resorted to cabs.

The architect who interviewed me seemed like someone who’d regularly mix with many races and is therefore open-minded and friendly. I left the place and took the bus to the train station. The bus gave off smoke halfway and the driver told everybody to get off the bus! Mm hai ermaaaaa…. @_@ It was quite comical though…

I finally reached home and went for a career fair and then to the immigration office to settle some stuff. I used my phone to check my email and there’s a new mail from the architect just now and – AAAAAAAHHHH!!! “…offer for an immediate start with our firm”! *gasp~*! Really really stunned… I can’t believe it… this really happened…. waaah!!~~in my mind there’s a flashback of the 200+ files in my “sent” folder… all those emails that declined me… the interviews before and the stack of resumes in hardcopy… and I couldn’t stop smiling. Finally, my search is done and I have actually made it. Got an archi job here, after graduation, even despite my abysmal lack of practical training during the course of my studies and mediocre design talents. Yat says he salutes my determination, the architect says he likes my approach to design ~ ermm since when I have an approach?? @_@ Just ~ doing what I can ~ …

…

…

…

Now I’m praying hard to get my bridging visa before I can start work, because they said without it they can’t hire me yet. The visa’s caused me 3 months of headache! Lots of research effort, time and money had to be spent. I wonder briefly if it’s all worth it but it’s far too late to turn back and I can only go forward from here. Anyway, it’s up to me to be happy here or wherever I choose to be ma..

…

These days I get worried easily over the smallest matters. There’s a Chinese saying, 急如热锅上的蚂蚁 ”as anxious as ants on a boiling pot” – I told Yat I had a vision of ants crawling on a hot pot and he said that’s me lah!

^^ hehe… just miss drawing mashi-mashi~

I dont know who or what I was waiting for in a room then someone (H) came in and it turned out to be our old house toilet and I suddenly ran out past my old room and into the guest room and my late grandma (moms side) was there, plump, happy, smell of her dear self – it was the smell I knew so well – I looked at her in shock and asked H if she saw her too, H nodded and I went ahead and hugged her, the moment we embraced, my alarm clock rang

I woke up with incredible sadness and bewilderedness and dreaded getting out of bed into the freezing cold at 7.30am.

These days it’s getting warmer but last night I left the door open too wide and too much cold air came in.

Oh how I wish I could gather-gather in Connie’s house and reminisce about the good old times.

Flew home and back here so fast.

It barely registered in my mind that the time has already passed … now I have a whole year (possibly more) ahead of me without any solid home contact. I wonder if I can live with that, because I’ve never left home for so long before. I’ve always flown home regularly during holidays. For work commitments, family commitments, never really for my own pure leisure, but still I get to go home.

I just hope my family’s doing well. 南无阿弥陀佛请保佑我们全家人平安无事 !

I’d been sleep-deprived for 3 days and could finally collapse on the couch last night. Slept for 11 hours.

First of all in my dream it was possible to drive from Melbourne to Tasmania. Secondly my family was residing in Melbourne. Thirdly my cousin Melissa was visiting me.

Mel and I wandered into a shopping mall and in a hall there’s suddenly a crowd and JYJ appeared! I saw Jae Joong and Junsu and 3 others in the dark, too many people in the crowd. I asked Mel and found out it’s only JYJ, no Chang Min. When they appeared, a song that they recently sang was played the first few notes of its chorus.

Then the music stopped and they sat down onstage and begin eating noodles @_@ after eating they got up and left. It’s a show of them sitting down and eating?! Then we left the hall, only to find that we’re in Tasmania and had to call my brother to drive 2 hours to fetch us back ~

Because this dream had JYJ and Jae Joong’s face in it, I thought I must record it. Too bad there’s no Chang Min!

Hahahahhahaha

Oh well it’s been 3 years since I stopped chasing them as a fan. Stopped going to the forums and downloading their stuffs .. they have also separated …

So been into BIG BANG instead – super energetic and charismatic Korean boy group ^^

***

These few days I’ve been working on a freelance job. Still trying to get a full time job here.

***

I’m really excited to see all my friends back… and meet up with them.. it was Khai Ling’s birthday a few days ago.. ^^

I feel really blessed to be surrounded by friends…

Had a short moment reminiscing about the days in Taylors with Taylors friends…

I miss you all!

Hope you’re all well and happy ^^

***

and i havent found a secure job.

i did, however, have some luck with a nice architect who gave me a job to do freelance for now.

this wednesday im goin for another interview, this time for part time.

ah… hope all goes well

this year i celebrated CNY back home in a short trip of 6 days.

very lucky of me

managed to get flight… managed to meet my relatives (not all / . \)… managed to meet my friends Connie Wei-Qing YeePing SukHan Eugene… managed to gamble and even got a double Ace in blackjack (from playing with relatives)…

lihjiunn must be green with envy upon reading all that…

oh well.. other than that… the days in melbourne is just a dull, cold, uncomfortable phase looking for job, settling visa things, settling moving house stuff…. waiting for the rest of the gang to come and reunite

my brother’s in Launceston, so near yet so far

my mom… gonna be lonely without him around now…

i just hope this year passes uneventfully… hope all good and bad things about to happen, I will be protected by Guan Yin